After reading the "No Red Pill No Blue Pill" I think that it is very well written and kinda poetic in a way. I think that the author is very talented to be able to do something like this, because I know I never could! The author did a good job of relating to their own life and making a connection with their reader. The pictures are interesting but I didn't get what was the point of them and how they had anything to do with the writing. In my opinion I think that young kids are using technology for learning too much now, like what happened to just reading a paper book. But everyone does have their own opinion. You have a very good writing style so keep that up!
There are a few spots in your writing where there are like 3-4 spaces between words. I agree and disagree with the content of this article. I agree that using the Internet as a learning source is a great tool and we definitely should be using it. But, I think that we shouldn't get carried away with using technology for learning and remember that we still have books and paper to use. I also like how you were comparing different types of schools. For example, you were comparing university's to high schools, elementary and on line schooling, which is very good to connect with your readers, good job!
This article also let me realize that teachers do so much for theri students and that if teachers don't haev faith and help their students the students will not do good with their work. This connected to me in many ways. For example, I always hear students saying they hate homework and school, but maybe if they used technology and their teachers have faith in them they might be more interested in doing their work. I also thought you did a great job of telling and expressing what you really thought to the audience and made sure they understood what you are saying well.
Overall I thought that it was really good and you have talent and keep up the good work. You have a very good writing style and its poetic which is very cool! I am not sure if my tips will help you but just try to think of them as you are writing. Just remember to check your spacing in you wors and take out the pictures or make them more related to the topic. great job though, I really liked it! :)
Come to flex and I will help you out a bit more.
ReplyDeleteHello Nick, I like how you told the author that she did a great job writing the article, and that you wouldn't be able to. You talked to the author as if you were actually communicating with her, and that's good. The main constructive feedback I could give you would be to expand on your thoughts (maybe using examples). For example, you could explain why we shouldn't be carried away with using technology for learning, or why you didn't think the pictures were related with the text. The format of your post was pretty good, explaining why you agreed with the article and then why you didn't. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHi Nick! You did a wonderful job sharing your thoughts about different things in the paragraph. I also liked how you gave the author advice on how to improve her work. Something to fix for next time would be to check your spelling/grammar mistakes and not to switch who your audience is. In the beginning, you said “The connection with their reader” but then you said “You have a very author did a good job of relating to their own life and making a good writing style so keep that up”. You were either talking to a group of people or the author. Overall you did a very good job with your responds, keep up the good work!
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